AMANDAA.

2012-02-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

Today was a pretty zany Friday.

1) After school, together with Pei Ling, we went for lunch before going to the library to study.

2) Went down the GNC because I was freezing.

3) Spectated the water bomb match between the OGLs and OGMs in the field.

4) Ended up playing water bombs with Jackie and her friends haha

5) Headed to Chinatown to collect some books from Wee.

6) Went back to school to watch the orientation dance competition.

7) Went hunting for my people who helped me keep my mobile phone and school bag, I thought someone stole my bag but luckily some band people helped me to safe keep : )

8) Went back home for a sinful dinner: 3 Hash browns+ lots of Maple Syrup and B&J's strawberry cheesecake.

Today I was quite high actually, need to maintain!!! Am seriously damn scared that I would go back to my old 'party-first-worry-later" lifestyle. For the past two days, I kind of wasted my life away....sigh. Anyway I have decided to make it a point to camp at Bishan Library every Saturday before my tuition. Math Test on Differentiation+Apps, Maclaurin Series and Binomial Expansion and Chemistry Inorganic Test next week, not one bit prepared. Time to mug.......tomorrow. Too exhausted now, even blogging this is a huge effort. Goodnight guys. Have a great weekend!

2012-01-31T22:14:00.001+08:00

//Happiness has nothing to do with your life's circumstances. It's based on your ability to accept the things you are experiencing. Adapt and you'd be a much happier person. I really need to get these words into my head.

Today:

1. Our GP teacher chided the class for 'back-stabbing' her. (Long story). But was glad that all misunderstanding were cleared eventually.

2. New J1s but I didn't see ANY Queenstown Sec students.

3. UDC dinner at Plaza Singapura's Nandos to celebrate Timothy's birthday just now.

4. Time for a power nap before I do transition metal exercise and attempt Ionic Equilibirum Part (II) exercise.

2012-01-30T22:51:00.001+08:00

"Unfortunately the clock is ticking, the hours are going by. The past increases, the future recedes. Possibilities decreasing, regrets mounting." - Haruki Murakami

Today was pretty awesome despite the long day at school. Met up with the really retarded people for dinner at Cathay's Astons. I went Wee's house straight after school, then soon after we met up with Hong to accompany her to look for her tour brochures. She will be going Kyushu this Feb to pao wen quan, so shiok, I need a get-away too! : /

I thought I have lived past the teenage years where some random teenage guys on the streets will approach you to ask you for your mobile number. But late evening today, while doing my homework with wee and hong at Mac, some guy approached us. I really had the damn feeling of telling that guy, "Dude, I'm freaking 19 this year!!" I was quite certain I was older than the boys hahah.

Expecting a crowded and noisy canteen tomorrow, it's the J1's first day of school. Not looking forward to having super ridiculous long queues in the canteen during breaks. Back to math now. Goodnight everyone.

2012-01-29T21:37:00.002+08:00

Another unproductive weekend, have been feeding my soul with a large dosage of drama. I managed to finish the 35 episodes long bu bu jing xin eventually. The ending was really sad, and somehow I regretted watching it. Determined to start February right, I felt that I have wasted the whole of January.

2012-01-26T17:48:00.002+08:00

Last night was crazy. What it took was just a text to have my little heart crushed entirely. I felt that I was wrongly accused, but then I was guilty at the same time. At that moment, I really felt helpless. All I wanted to do then was to find a pair of listening ears and sound advice, but at the same time, I don't want to burden someone with all my problems. Then magically I received a text from a true friend asking what had happened to me. I wouldn't ask for anything more.

Sometimes I really wonder who else I can turn to whenever I need someone to hear my issuessssss sigh. Insecure much.

2012-01-24T22:02:00.000+08:00

Happy lunar new year guys. I can't believe five days of holiday just flew by just like that, and it's back to school tomorrow. : ( I still have Transition Metal Exercise and Tutorial to complete, and an inorganic test to study for.

Yesterday: The first day on CNY, just like previous years, we went over the paternal's grandmother's place. Very awkward with the female cousins. Oh well. About ten pm, the parents sent me to CL's place to play MJ. I won $5 bucks from Poker last night hehe, beginners' luck! ^^v

Pictures from last night;

(Look at the next 3 photos, take note of CL lolol)

2012-01-21T22:57:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, today was a pretty good day for me. Angel, Ron and I rented a booth at Scape to sell our clothes. So about 1pm today I took a bus from home to Town. There was this kind soul who helped me carry my heavy luggage filled with clothes onto the bus. And when I alighted, and walked towards the junction opposite Cine, I met Raphael and he helped me bring my luggage to Scape hahahha. Although I only earned 66 bucks in the end, I was quite proud of myself for selling almost all of my clothes. I only have five pieces of clothes left. ^^y

I'm going to do this again at the end of the year. Fun, but tiring. I'm dead beat. Going to turn in early tonight. Happy Chinese New Year's Eve's Eve people!! : ) P/S: And you know what, hahaha, I saw this cute guy there, I reckon he is someone in charge of the flea thing, gave him my email, so I'm hoping to receive an email for him soon hehe.

2012-01-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

I am much poorer than I was two days back....Anyway this is what I have left. Zero cash in my wallet, zero cash that I keep in my drawer, so I had to resort to withdrawing money from my ATM. Withdrew 70 bucks in total today. Spent about 60 bucks on F21, 33 bucks on buffet dinner, 11 bucks on socks, 4 bucks on KFC lunch. One good thing was that I managed to pay off my debts before CNY.

The challenge was spending within the already meagre savings I have left on CNY clothes, clearing debts and paying for all these dinners outings, and on top of that, I can't borrow money from the friends to tide me over this financial crisis I'm currently experiencing. Sigh, I guess I have to skip the dinner with the JC people tomorrow. Bo lui liao........

Dinner with the pops+guys was fine lol, but I just felt that I didn't do any justice to my 33 bucks. I don't eat very much so it wasn't worth the money at all : ( But oh well, when Monday comes, I'm going to be much much richer $$ : ) Goodnight everyone!

2012-01-18T23:14:00.000+08:00

You know what hurts? It's when you honestly believe that you have someone who knows you inside and and understands what you are going through, but you are wrong.

2012-01-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

I know I ranted about this like a thousand times but I really feel damn poor. I know it's just Monday, and I just got my sixty bucks allowance. But today I had to pay $8.80 for Econs Tutorial stuff. I would also have to pay Vivien $10 tomorrow for the Econs assessment book. This Friday the pops+2C guys are going for International Buffet at Sakura which costs about $33 bucks. This Saturday I'm going to meet the JC clique for dinner and I'm sure it's going to cost more than $10. The guys are going to be enlisted so both dinners are kind of like farewell dinners........

So this is my situation. My parents would promptly give me my sixty bucks allowance, and that's it. I don't get shopping money, or allowance to go out. I don't/won't get any other money except for that weekly allowance. And with all that I have, I pay for all my worksheets and assignments in school, my train concession every month, my own contact lens, stationery, new clothes for CNY, birthday gifts for friends and everything else. I would just take whatever I'm given and wouldn't ask for more even if I had to.

Yeah I'm probably not as lucky to have rich parents to give me few hundred a week or especially kind parents who would give shopping money, and probably to these people, I guess they don't really care how much they spent because once they run out on cash they can always go back to their parents to get more. So they probably don't feel the pinch I would feel whenever I spend my money. I probably seem really stingy with my money, like to watch what I spend my money on and stuff, but I really have to. Sigh right now, I have 46 bucks in my wallet/savings and 58 bucks in my card, that's all that's left. Exactly a week more to CNY, I really can't wait for collect red packets man......

2012-01-13T22:47:00.000+08:00

I didn't think things could ever turn out this way. But all I want to say is that you wanted this, you chose this, didn't you? I don't know when/how/why you had a 360 degree transformation, you became so cold and so unapproachable. Well, I am not going to give a shit anymore. Tell me when you're done annoying me, thanks.

I have been sleeping so much recently. Last night I slept at about 7pm and woke up at 645am this morning. How awesome is that hahaha. And I reached home about 5pm today and took a nap till around 8pm. Haha, it's just the first week of school and I'm already feeling so lethargic. So many things to do this weekend. I am not done with chem and math holiday assignment, chem group VII tutorial and exercise, math maclaurin's tutorial, and packing of math file. Sigh. I'm so glad the first week of school is over.

2012-01-11T00:52:00.000+08:00

Seriously what's up with all that asshole behavior, why can't you just move on? I know I have no rights to comment on anything because it doesn't involve me at all but still......... I can feel how fucked up she was feeling when you did that, and I really don't see the purpose of you doing that at all? Do you really think she'd go back with you? Certainly not......please use your brains to think or/and your heart to feel. Whatever you have done would just make her think you are damn disgusting -,-. Well, maybe it was one of your stupid childish act as after all you're still young and insensitive. But honestly, why did you do that. Come on, stop that!! If you guys decided to go separate ways, make it clean. Don't ask like 'how are you?' after a few days/weeks after the break up and when your ex girlfriend replies, 'doing fine', you'd continue 'good for you. Bye!' (rolling eyes)

Seriously start being a real man and stop being such a bitch. Probably you truly cared, which I highly doubt it from the way you replied her, but I guess she would appreciate if you can leave her alone for some time. And if you continue with all the immature acts, she might start to think you're doing all these to piss her off, whether it is deliberate or not. And I guess you wouldn't want her to think that way, would you? If you're really doing that just to irritate her, I suggest you grow up, be more mature before you start chasing girls.

This is just a random post but I felt I really needed to blog about it. Oh just a side note, probably there is one thing I would earnestly look for in a guy before I decide whether there will be progress in our friendship. I would want to find out how he treats his ex and his own family. I guess this is extremely crucial, at least in my opinion it is. And I guess it would tell a lot about him, like what kind of personality and character he has, yep you get what I mean. Haha I am satisfied with life right now, so no complains <3 Goodnight everyone.

2012-01-10T23:52:00.002+08:00

Chapter 2012. Page 10 of 366.

Today was a pretty bad day for me. I totally screwed up the open house dance. I ran to the back of the atrium after completing the second song. Sigh I should have known better, next time without ample time to practice, don't act zai and go make a fool of myself in front of everybody. Recalling that embarrassing moment now makes me want to commit suicide ah!! But oh well, the day ended fine. Hannah and I went to play with the kinect, next to the connect and contact point. It was damn cool, we kinda hogged the kinect for a long time hehe. After that I followed Jun Cheng Hannah Kai Jing and Stella to NEX to chill while we waited for Natalie to come.

Lessons officially start tomorrow. I was quite pissed with myself just now, for acknowledging that I'm so lazy but am not doing anything about it. I always have this "I should start my homework now" but I would take my phone out to play games zz. Need to change this really disgusting vile habit of mine soon, otherwise repeating this year is futile. Goodnight everyone.

2012-01-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

Chapter 2012. Page 9 of 366.
Hi. First day of school was rather alright. I made friends with this girl, and her name is Shannon, and she's really friendly. I was told to complete Binomial and Maclaurins tutorials by next tutorial lesson, and there will be an upcoming MCQ test for econs. :''( I'm not at all prepared for all these tests yet.

The school had this publicity drive where they sent students to their secondary schools/MRT stations to hand out brochures to entice people to visit NY's open house tomorrow. So Putz and I and a few other people went back to Queenstown Sec. Surprisingly, we did really well this time around. We had about 30 students scoring less than 10 points. I am really proud of Queenstown Sec, really. So after that I went over Putz's place to learn the flash mob dance for tomorrow's open house. Everyone, please visit NY tomorrow, there are three Ipads and $50 B&J/H&M vouchers up for grabs. It's going to be really exciting ^^v

xx
I don't see how this 'long' year would be a good year for 'ji' in the financial aspect, at least not for me. The mother just forbid me to give the Sunday tuition which is only two hours a week. You know the pay of 100 bucks a month is, in my opinion, actually a decent sum to do my shopping for birthday gifts and clothes......argh. It's going to be another year of saving and scrimping...sigh //wrist. Goodnight everyone.

2012-01-08T00:11:00.004+08:00

Chapter 2012. Page 8 of 366.
Ah feeling the Monday blues already......received a message from school to assemble in the school hall in full uniform at eight am tomorrow. Ahh I am not looking forward to school at all. Just downloaded the new timetable from the school website, and only to realize that Mr Teo isn't my econs teacher anymore, and my geog teacher hasn't changed....sigh. Oh and I really can't imagine myself surviving school without the favourite JC clique + Wee. I'm going to meet new friends and this thought kind of scares me. I wouldn't consider myself as a people's person at all...i'm just hoping for the best tomorrow. Goodnight everyone and good luck to those receiving their O levels results. : >

xx
I guess you decided to leave me there in 2011. Ultimately it's still up to you, and I respect whatever decisions you make, and I would do you a huge favour- to stop bugging you. I'm quite tired of all of these already, so do whatever you want. I'm saving myself from all these emotional distress.

2012-01-07T23:34:00.000+08:00

Chapter 2012. Page 7 of 366.

Just came home from Artease not long ago. Met up with the secondary school friends for dinner there to celebrate Cheong Leong's birthday. We got him a mahjong set, and according to Lou, his life is now complete haha. Anyway the mother sent me for GP tuition today, first lesson and it feels really awkward. But I guess the people there are really friendly. There was this girl who was really kind, she lent me her vocabulary book voluntarily after lesson so I wouldn't be so lost in my homework. I was quite touched :")

Yesterday Lou and I went to Lou's church at Boon Lay to work. Our job was to take care of pre-nursery children. It was hard labour and exhausting......trying to coax those little children to stop crying. Oh, and there was this girl that just peed on the floor and I went :0 but generally the children were quite kute hehe. I was paid forty bucks after that.

Tomorrow I have no plans, I guess I shall stay home and do some spring cleaning. CNY is coming, I'm so excited hehe. Can't wait to indulge in good food and receive ang pao money. My voracious appetite is back, good and bad news. Ok goodnight then.

2012-01-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

Chapter 2012. Page 5 of 366.

I'm probably too loathsome, this explains everything, doesn't it? But honestly I'm trying my best to be a better friend here, and clearly, trying just isn't good enough. I'm already at my wit's end. K I really have this urge to detach myself from the rest of the world, disappear from all those networking sites, especially from Twitter. I need this hiatus to do some self evaluation before the term starts.

I always thought this quote makes sense. "You don't have to fight for a place in someone's heart if s/he really loves you." But I guess it's not true because if you don't even put in the slightest effort in any relationship, everyone would just leave you.

Today was a long day. I met Lou at Bugis at 11 in the morning to do some Chinese New Year shopping. I spent about a hundred bucks on clothes, kind of regretted getting some of them as I thought they looked really hideous sigh. Headed to SP to meet Cheong Leong and Xinzhi for awhile before going Putz place to lepak. There's work tomorrow at 7am, so I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight.

2012-01-04T00:10:00.000+08:00

Chapter 2012. Page 4 of 366.

Today was fine. Head out to school to study before meeting Lou and Wei Liang at AMK MRT to buy Cheong Leong's present. Wei liang said he couldn't find the shop at AMK, so we went down to Texas Chicken and Sogurt @United Square for late lunch. <3 Two cups of Sogurt for the price of 1. Hehe, and to add to that, we met Yvelyn and got a further discount. So I only paid two bucks for it : ) After that we cabbed down to Chinatown, bought CL's present, then went to Lou's house to slack after that.

Honestly I'm damn sick of seeing/talking to the parents. I really wish they just stay in China forever. As long as I have my grandmother I'm happy.

2012-01-02T00:30:00.000+08:00

Chapter 2012, page 2 of 366.

Actually I should be contented with what I have. I'm very blessed, and sometimes I feel that I don't deserve any of these. I should learn how to count my blessings. I should learn how to love myself more. Ok will head down to school alone tomorrow to get some work done. Need to start mugging already. Goodnight everyone.

2012-01-01T21:53:00.002+08:00

Happy new year guys.

Last night was pretty awesome. We went to City Hall/Esplanade for countdown. So proud of the guys, really. They went down at 2pm yesterday just to get a BEST spot of the fireworks, and the view from that spot was really beautiful. I was right in front, sitting down comfortably right there, and the fireworks were like boomz-ing right above me, and it was just....I was awe-struck (insert heart-shape eyes here). I met Wee and her sister at Town before heading down to find them. When we made our way there around 9pm, City Hall MRT area was already so packed. Ok, I still can't get over the fireworks. Ah I want to go there next year to count down again. : )

I was especially impressed by Terry. He reached the place at 1pm, brought three trays of food, six bottles of 1.5 litres of drinks, picnic mats, tissue paper, picnic ham, bread, few cans of tuna, chips, nacho cheese, whatever you need he would have it. Oh, even rubber band for Louise to tie her hair. I only have one word for him- Respect.

While waiting for the clock to strike twelve, Wee asked what was my most impressionable moment that happened in 2011. It kept me thinking, but I still can't answer that question. 2011 flew by so quickly, so fast that I probably couldn't keep up. 2011 wasn't a really good year anyway, I guess I had more unhappy memories than happy ones. So 2012, please be good.

Ok so after countdown, some of us walked to Chinatown to have supper together. After that, we walked home from there. Tiring as hell, and my whole body is aching right now, but I'm happy. Listed down a few new year resolutions. One of the few is to be a happier person. Ok pictures up now. Uploading almost every picture from Chee Yee's and Cheong Leong's pro cam. Goodnight and enjoy : )

2011-12-30T23:51:00.000+08:00

Hi today UDC + some of Putri's classmates + Vivien and Angel had this surprise birthday celebration for Putz. I think the surprise was successful because she teared lol. We all danced to Party Rock Anthem for her. Then we had dinner at Pizza Hut.

Ah yucks I feel damn gross. I feel damn fat and I seriously need to diet. And now, whenever I look at my face, I just get turned off automatically. I have a fat face, disgusting complexion and horrible under eye circles. I honestly can't recall the last time I actually exercised. I think it has been a few months since I worked and perspired it out. Life sucks. : ( Tomorrow is the last day of 2011. Mixed feelings. Goodnight everyone.

2011-12-29T23:26:00.003+08:00

Hi just came back from Jun Cheng's place, and unwrapped all my x'mas gifts. Ah I feel damn bad immediately because I could feel that they put in so much effort in the presents. They probably thought very long and hard to decide on the gifts. I gave everyone (the boys and girls) a x'mas card and my chocolate-coated strawberry each and only one packet of face masks to the girls. It's the same gifts for the poppins actually. Ah beginning to feel that the gifts I gave showed a lack of sincerity and thought. :''(

It sucks to be poor and penniless. Anyway I really love all the presents I received today. Face masks, shades, accessories for my Iphone and myself, a bimbo pink 2012 schedule book, another bimbo pink pencil case from smiggle, candies and more candies..... : ) Thanks guyz, I really appreciate all of these. I'm definitely going to make up to them next Valentines Day. <3

Pictures from yesterday (pot-luck dinner over at my place)

(THE BEST MAGGIE MEE EVER)

That's my lovely grandmother. I love her the most, no qualms about that at all. That's Loh Siyuan in the second picture with my gift for him for secret santa and that's Justin Koe in the third picture with my gift from him. Can't wait to countdown to the new year with all of them <3 Realised that I look damn restless and tired in the pictures I had taken yesterday.....sian sigh.

2011-12-28T01:02:00.000+08:00

Hi, today is a pretty awesome day. Firstly happy 18th birthday to Putz, our youngest baby in the clique finally turned 18. Hehe the Cheong Leong is going to turn 19 in a couple of days more. And we are all going to turn 19 soon. I'm growing older. I'm ageing and it's showing on my face. Sigh. Ok let's not get into that for now.

Anyway this morning Charm gave me a wake-up call, thankful for that otherwise I'd be surely late for brunch with the girls. We went Hatched, and the food there was goood. I'd definitely go there again yumz. We wanted to go Playnation after that but there wasn't enough time and we all have to go home to prepare food for pot-luck at my place. Pot-luck dinner was very successful. Everyone came. Charmaine, Louise, Weenee, Nicole, Putri, Siyuan, Ming Shiun, Justin Koe, Wei Liang, Cheong Leong, Nelson, Xinzhi and James. We had Aglio Olio, curry chicken, olive fried rice, chicken nuggets, chicken chunks, seaweed chicken, onion rings, fishball..........and the list goes on. Secret santa was awesome too. I'm really overjoyed when Siyuan said he liked and found my hand-wrap useful yay.

You know what I'm truly thankful for these group of friends. I know I always say this but it's true and I mean every word I say. I'm really blessed to have these very special people in my life. They never fail to put a smile on my face. I guess this is one of the last few gatherings we are going to have together as the boys are heading to the army soon. I'm going to mizz their antics :( (oh anyway Cheong Leong was really damn lame just now, he hid Putri's 40 packets of Indo Mee, that were meant for all of us, behind my curtains and into people's bag -,-.) Yup, but these are going to be good memories that are going to follow me for the longest time. They are the sporadic, small joys I can look forward to amidst my bleak, obscured moments. Thank you all for coming down today, luv you all :>

Tomorrow I'm going to meet my JC friends for dinner over at Jun Cheng's. I haven't seen them for weeks. I hope we get to catch up and stuff hehe sigh too worn out tonight, shall turn in soon. Goodnight everybody : )

(p/s: I really feel like eating sogurt tomorrow before going to JC's place. Sian anyone wants to go eat too, we can meet at nex to enjoy our comfort froyo yay :> )

2011-12-27T23:48:00.000+08:00

Today was the most productive day ever. I managed to write all my x'mas cards for the friends, laminate them, buy my gift for secret santa from Queensway, go grocery shopping twice (first trip was to get the ingredients to make chocolated-coated strawberry, the second was to get food for pot-luck tomorrow). I'm always doing things last minute. Starting next year, all these bad habits have to stop!!!!

Putri's birthday tomorrow. We are gonna go out with her in the late afternoon then come my place for pot-luck dinner. I should seriously stop spending money already. It's scary to think how much money leaves my wallet in one day. Ah I need to practice self-control......

Feeling angry again for the slightest matter. I really need to chillax and not get so worked up over little things. Take a deep breath. Regardless whether that is on purpose or not, I need to remind myself that there are better things for me to think about. I shouldn't get upset with all these unnecessary stuff. : )

2011-12-26T00:10:00.001+08:00

Haven't felt like this for a long time. I always thought that I'm quite fortunate, and I probably don't deserve this at all. This is really too good for me, and sometimes I feel that I'm not at all worth it.

Went school to meet the UDC people to prepare something for Putri for her birthday. I don't think she will read this haha so I can just say it here openly. This blog is so lifeless that I doubt anyone would read it. But I guess that is good news. Goodnight everyone.

2011-12-25T02:05:00.000+08:00

Hi hahah Merry Christmas everybody. Yesterday (x'mas eve) we all went to Charm's church at Covenant Evangelical Free Church to watch a musical. I thought it was quite entertaining. Slept over at Yvonne's place. Woke up at 7am today to go Nicole's church at Bukit Panjang Methodist Church haha. She was baptized today and we all went to support her v(^^v) I guess this year's x'mas is quite special because it's the first time pops celebrate x'mas on x'mas day itself. <3

Well there is a tendency that I may over-think and assume too much for my own good. But sometimes I really feel that my intuition is pretty accurate. Honestly I've been controlling a lot of my angst recently, been telling myself there is no point getting angry. Found a new goal in life by the way : > I actually can't wait for year 2012.

2011-12-23T20:41:00.005+08:00

Hi the house is so much quieter now that the father, mother and brother have left for China. Have many plans tomorrow, it is going to be hectic (and hopefully, worthy). I need to wake up early and be at Bishan by 1145AM, to collect the x'mas gifts for the girls. Then head to Serangoon to meet a friend for lunch. Go town after that to meet Hannah to shop then find poppins at causeway point to go charm's church for a musical.

As I don't get to enjoy this luxury every time, I should be feeling overjoyed for it's freedom week. Instead, there is a surge of sadness overwhelming me. It's quite tormenting bearing those negative thoughts that are running through my mind, wo de xin li zhen de hen nan shou. Christmas is two days from now, but I'm not getting the festive vibe yet. I guess I'd have to embrace this freedom, and supposedly happy, week with a heavy heart.

2011-12-19T02:24:00.000+08:00

Hi last night I was rudely awaken by my hamster that escaped from its box. I got a shock, I can't figure how it managed to climb onto my bed. I guess I was lying on it and it started scratching me zzz. Anyway today I stayed at home the whole day. The friends were supposed to come over in the afternoon for our mahjong session but it had to be delayed till five to six pm. And since I can't go over to Sy place to play, I guess this session has to be postponed. : (

I haven't seen the JC friends for quite awhile already. I really wonder what they have been doing lately. No one call/text me since prom night, except JJ and Hannah, to tell/ask me about chalet-related stuff on the 17th. Sian I really hope there's a clique outing soon before school starts.

2011-12-18T23:01:00.001+08:00

Hiii it's exactly a week to xmas now!!! Omg the christmas cookies are so pretty. Don't get how people can make such beautiful icing deco for the cookies. I should probably try it this christmas. I gave up on making christmas macaroons : (

The month of December is awesome, probably the best month of the year! Okay anyway I really really really need to go back-to-school shopping soon. Haha need to shop for new stationery, new shoes, new schedule book...... and the list goes on. Oh and one good news, I have been accepted by the tuition job. I would start next year. Heh heh it's not much but at least some income every month : )

2011-12-17T03:03:00.000+08:00

Today was quite a happy (yet, slightly boring) day. I accompanied my mother and brother to Tiong first to collect his spectacles. After that we went Bras Besah Complex to get his books for next year. Then we went Bugis to have dinner, and lastly Kallang Leisure Park to get their winter trip stuff + bowling hahaha. Oh and I don't quite believe when the mother said she used to be a bowling champion when she was young. xx

I am always stalking pretty skinny girls on Facebook and feeling inferior after that. I really want to be as skinny as them. I don't think I'll ever be slim judging from my diet. I don't really eat thatttt much for each meal but I have a lot of meals a day zz. Life for me right now is just eating and sleeping. If I'm at home, I will keep making trips to the kitchen to find food or bake something when I get bored. If I'm out with my friends, it's usually meet-ups for lunch/dinner to catch up w our lives. Sad+jealous much really, sigh.

2011-12-16T22:59:00.004+08:00

Hi. I feel like crap. I feel redundant. I feel replaceable. I feel insignificant. I feel like I'm only second option. I need to convince myself to suck it up and get over it. Life still goes on. Lesson learnt.

2011-12-15T00:31:00.000+08:00

Haha hi today was pretty awesome. Hong came over to bake chocolate cake with me at around three. We spent a total of twenty six bucks on ingredients. Our chocolate cake got burnt eventually. The surface was totally charred and the dough mixture was still very moist. I was damn sad, because I felt that I just burnt thirteen bucks. Next time I am just going to get the Betty Crocker pre-mix, helps to save some money and effort haha. So we were like baking the whole afternoon away.........Wee came over around six pm, slacked for awhile before we went Tiong for dinnerz. We met Ming Shiun and Siyuan at the MRT. After dinnerz they both decided to come back to my place to play mahjong hahah.

Round two of mahjong on Monday with them and some of the boys. Nicole is going to be baptized on xmas so we are going to find her at her church to give her our support!! Charmaine is going to treat us to a play in her church on xmas eve too!! Yay I am so excited heh.

On a side note, school is going to start in about twenty four days. Mixed feelings. OH AND I REALLY NEED TO START WORK SOON. I know I have been saying this in almost every entry. I am constantly looking for study partners to really sit down and mug with me but it seems like no one is keen sian...... k have a great night everybody!

2011-12-14T00:41:00.000+08:00

Haha hi, the picture on top is so true. That is what I do usually hahahah. I guess Wee and Hong are coming to crash my place tomorrow to bake......haven't decided on what to bake yet though. The house is such a mess, but aiya since they are my close friend, it's alright. : )

Tomorrow's plan was supposed to meet up with the guys to go night cycling. Then it was changed to going high tea with just wee, hong and charm. But I've got no more money so....we decided to bake at my place. The feeling of being broke is horrible...

2011-12-13T00:59:00.007+08:00

Hi today was good. I managed to pack the clothes in my drawer, then satisfy my IKEA meatballs cravings. Impromptu decision to meet Wee at Ikea for lunch/dinner. Walked around to search for xmas present. Seriously tight budget sianz.

Just a random thought: I actually like living here in Queenstown. When I grow older I would still want to live here if I have the means. Haha need to start studying soon wahlao.

2011-12-11T20:04:00.000+08:00

Hi I have two hamsters to give/sell away. Contact me if you want ok! I have been getting the I-should-be-mugging-now feel recently, and I think it's time to really sit down and start studying. But I have no study partners :< Studying at home is boring, I need to go out!!!!! Anyway I guess I have to get used to this loner feeling. Because that's going to be how it is like next year. Sigh. I will blog soon : )

2011-12-10T14:53:00.001+08:00

A wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke. Everybody laughed like crazy. After a moment, he cracked the same joke again. This time, less people laughed. He cracked the same joke again and again, and when there was no laughter in the crowd, he smiled and said: you can't laugh at the same joke again and again, but why do you keep crying over the same thing over and over again?

This is something to think about, have a great weekend ahead!

2011-12-09T22:54:00.000+08:00

Hi, prom photos up!

Fatty me needs to go on a diet+strict exercise regime. I'm also going to start drinking more water. Before and after meals, first thing in the morning/afternoon when I wake up, and last thing at night before I go to bed. Plain water is good.

2011-12-08T00:40:00.000+08:00

Today is another stay-home day. I didn't do anything productive, was just lazing around the whole day. If I wasn't watching the TV, I'd be surfing the net. Anyway I have been going around looking for jobs. I found one that requires me to work on Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Year's Eve and New Year. I don't know whether I want to take up the job yet. Quite scared ah.....

Tomorrow I am also going to try out for the tuition job starting next year with Louise and Weenee. I'd be paid 25 bucks for two hours session every week, which means 100 bucks a month. I hope I can get that job, at least some income : )

Oh, recently I have made a few purchases on Gmarket again. Sigh my ATM only left 68 bucks now!! Need to save money, need to save money, need to save money (continue chanting) Well, goodnight guys and wish me good luck yeah : )

2011-12-06T01:42:00.000+08:00

Hi. Last night's Prom/Post-Prom was alright. Just as I expected, everyone dressed very classy and glam and I felt that I was super under-dressed. Oh well. Post prom was more fun haha, I guess ultimately it's the company that matters. We decided to book a room at Raffles Town Club to stay over for a night, instead of going clubbing with the school. I was one of the few that slept the earliest :< Anyway, I guess the JC clique won't be meeting up as often anymore. Sigh.

Need to do self reflection. Need to re-evaluate my priorities. Need to learn to stop running away from reality. xx Lunch w the girls after the their last paper on the 29th! Anyway I will upload prom/post-prom pictures soon. Need to start on holiday homework already.

2011-12-04T01:24:00.001+08:00

I shouldn't be getting angry at all. I should be happy because I know who I should be wary about now, to guard my heart so that I won't be hurt any further. Another thing, I really dislike it when people make important decisions before even consulting others. Even if I know I am not anyone important to you, don't you have the basic courtesy to ask/tell others what you gonna do? -.-

Anyway I have decided to go tomorrow's prom today. I already have a dress in mind but like I've said, I feel that it's not very formal enough. I have no mask (masquerade theme) and suitable accessories but I don't intend to buy. I hope I would still look okay for prom!! Now, I'm not excited for it at all..........goodnight everyone :<

2011-12-03T00:35:00.000+08:00

xx
Don't say things you don't mean.

2011-12-02T01:08:00.001+08:00

Hi guys heheh today past really fast. Anyway I have a free ticket to prom and I don't know whether I should go. I have a dress in mind but I don't know if it's formal enough. I need help with decision making. Anyone??

xx I'm so excited because Christmas is coming. I guess I'm going to drop the idea of making macaroons. Failed twice and I don't want to try anymore. Visited Tumblr and got some ideas on what to make for the friends this xmas. Damn excited, and can't wait to execute it. Ok, have a great weekend. Goodnight.

2011-12-01T02:00:00.001+08:00

Hello December! Tonight was great. Haven't had this gathering with the awesome JC people for a long time. Pictures will be up as soon as people post on FB. Running low on cash lately. Have been frantically looking for a job. :< Last Saturday I went Timbre at Substation. Tuesday went Marche. Today (thursday) went Timbre at Arts House. I'm seriously eating all my money away (sigh)

Some people need to re-evaluate their lives/priorities. Argh I am real tired now. So I'll just keep this short. People out there please help me look for a job. Preferably events job/road-show, and/or tuition for secondary school students. Please contact me!!!! Okay goodnight everyone : >

2011-11-25T01:15:00.000+08:00

Hi argh there are so many things in my head that I can't even think straight. There are so many questions I dare not ask, so afraid of facing reality. I can't imagine how my life is going to be like next year. I hate it when I always feel this way, really.

I also dislike it that whenever I feel this way I feel the need to talk to someone about it. But then I am afraid of trusting people. I am afraid of sharing what is really going on in my head. I am afraid that I would become over-dependent on people. I am afraid that the people I love/trust will leave one day. "People always leave" something Putz always say.

My life sucks. Last night I couldn't go to sleep at all. I was just lying on my bed, and kept on thinking and thinking and thinking......and asking myself many questions I can't answer. I really need to know what I should do, whether whatever I am doing/have done are right, whether I should just leave. This fucked up lost/helpless feeling suckz.

So last night I decided to watch xi jie shao nian Wei liang lent me to keep myself occupied. I managed to finish all twenty four episodes today. Went Tiong after dinner to get baking ingredients and also Liese' Dark Chocolate hair-dye. So today I just baked macaroons+watch TV/Drama+dye hair. Second attempt of macaroons failed, surfaces of the meringue were rough and some cracked :,< Sigh ok I'm going to sleep now so goodnight everyone!!xx

2011-11-22T18:18:00.000+08:00

Hi guys, I'm going to leave Malaysia tonight. I kind of miss living here already :,( Anyway went shopping just now. I went to buy a year's worth of correction fluid. Oh, and I managed to get the RM16 Vodka Lychee too. Awesome much. I also got some pierre cardin bras at a very good price heh heh heh and shit loads of sweets, the ones wen hao gave us at GP tuition (y)

We're are going for a good dinner now. Goodbye!!

2011-11-20T20:16:00.000+08:00

Hi, I'm still in Malaysia. A part of me wants to go back home, but another part wants to stay. Life sucks at home and I don't want to go back to that disgusting place. I actually thought my dad changed for the better but fuck no, I see him as a fucking loser. I don't ever want to talk about/to him. Tell me why I am not fucking 21 yet!?!

2011-11-17T20:47:00.000+08:00

Hi, I'm at my other relative's place right now. Some neighbour didn't secure the wifi heheh. Anyway I haven't started on homework yet, I think I will never ever get started lol. I can't wait to get back to Singapore, the friends would be done with As and we would be partying all day. Awesome :>

So many houseflies and mosquitoes here. Had lunch at a roadside stall this afternoon, and I was quite disgusted. I don't know how these people could eat their lunch with all the houseflies flying around the food. :< I don't think that I'm spoilt but I just feel that it's damn gross with all the flies around you and your food. I kind of lost all of my appetite! :<

Everything else is alright. It's rather peaceful here. Anyway I have a 14 months old cousin who is damn cute. Cutest baby ever!! OH AND ANYWAY THE ALCOHOL THERE IS DAMN CHEAP, LYCHEE VODKA FOR LIKE 14RM?! I feel like smuggling one back.............kk goodnight everyone :>

2011-11-16T10:57:00.001+08:00

It's 10:45AM now. My three-year cousin and I had a mini photo-booth session. She's playing with my IPhone now. Lol I really can't find any educational game suited for her age oh my, should have downloaded more kiddy games. Anyway I really really really happy that there is Internet here.

I think I will end up blogging whenever I get bored :< Oh yeah one problem I encountered so far is that I have problem communicating w my relatives in Chinese. :< Ok blog sooon.

xxx

2011-11-16T08:05:00.000+08:00

Hi guys! Omg I am in Malaysia now, at one of my auntie's place. It's still really early. The clock reads 7:55AM now. Love the part when I plugged in my earpiece and tried to shut everything around me, and then my mind would start to think about a lot of stuff. Like how happy I am going to be in Malaysia (as it is, at least, better than in that home), what I am going to do here in M'sia, what I am going to do in my life, praying that the people I love will stay healthy and all sorts of things.....Not exactly very happy right now, so I hope when I return to Singapore, I'd be happier.

2011-11-14T02:54:00.000+08:00

Terrible night. I don't know how long more I can survive in this family. I really hate it here. I don't care if people judge me because I speak ill of my family but all I can say is that you know me but you don't know my story. I got a violent and unreasonable father who could mercilessly throw things at me because I refused to tell him some stuff. I really wished he killed me just now because I really don't want to live anymore, and I am not brave enough to take my own life. I know this sounds crazy but I'm really having suicidal thoughts.

Thank you for triggering this fight, do you not feel guilty at all? I thought we ended a long long time back, why are you still living in denial? Haven't you brought enough pain? Haven't you disappointed me enough, or are you trying to get back at me? If you are, fine, you win! I am honestly going through shit now. I hope you'd just move on, and I would be truly grateful.

2011-11-13T13:31:00.000+08:00

Hi, today is gonna be a stay-home Sunday. I got to pack my stuff for Malaysia, will be leaving on Tuesday night till probably the following Wednesday/Thursday? Sigh. I really hope there is Internet, so I wouldn't feel so disconnected. I'm going to bring my laptop and study materials too. :< I haven't gone back there to visit for many years, hope I won't feel so awkward!!

Yesterday the usual gang that I have been hanging out with lately went Pasir Ris Park to cycle. The weather wasn't too good, it started to rain soon after we rented our bikes but lolol it was still quite fun. Cycled in the rain back to the shop. After that we all went Calvin's house to slack, played monopoly deal, watched 1/10 of a movie. Dinner with Calvin at Timbre last night. I was supposed to meet Charm they all for dinner but it was cancelled. :< ok will blog soooon.

2011-11-09T22:39:00.001+08:00

Hi guys I heard that four questions on Science and Tech and one question on Media came out in today's A level paper. I guess next year the probability of getting S&T and media questions are v slim, damn sian because they are my favourite topics. I was wondering if I could get a copy of the A level paper, because after all I paid for them.......

ANYWAY I PLAYED MY FIRST BOWLING GAME TODAY WITH CALVIN. I SCORED 93 POINTS, NOT BAD RIGHT HAHAHHAHA OKAY COOL. Singapore is too small now, always have difficulty discussing/brain-storming of places we can go and things we can do. :< Ok good luck to those taking Math paper tomorrow :)

2011-11-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

Hi, I'm pretty contented with life right now, and I hope it stays like this forever. Anyway tickets to Malaysia has been booked, leaving on the 15th of this month, would be back in less than two weeks (hopefully!)

There is this feeling I want to express but can't describe it in words. GAH GOODNIGHT

2011-11-07T00:02:00.000+08:00

Hi guys.....omg it's A levels tomorrow. Okay I know I am not taking it but I still feel damn scared and nervous for the friends who are taking them tomorrow. Well after two years of education in JC and they are finally going to sit for the exams they have been studying so hard for. I hope it is my turn soon. Good luck guys, and all the best for A levels. Please call me to meet up and all, and don't ever forget me alright :,(

Today was alright, went over to Putri house this morning with Charm, Koe, Siyuan, and Weiliang. Just slacked there, watched Koe and Putz rehearse for QTSS prom, watched Cinderella's Story and Room Mate there too. I also had Indo Mee, best instant noodle ever! You should go try it some time soon. Putz say the Indo Mee is only sold in Lucky Plaza. Heh alright, looking forward to tomorrow :) Goodnight guys!

2011-11-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

Hi guys I was over at my cousin's place last night. Yvonne was not at home so I cam-whored hahahah. Today was rather boring, stayed at home the whole day. Baked cookies and watched TV and played monopoly deal with the cousins. The grandmother said she liked the cookies, yay! Ok anyway I have decided to visit Malaysia w the grandmother for two weeks soon. Trying to cut short the trip to five days or something, really can't imagine living w/o the internet for almost half a month. Goodnight guyss

2011-10-31T18:44:00.000+08:00

Hi I guess today was ok. Although I stopped studying temporary, life still kind of sucks. But I am pretty sure it will be better. I hope my lovely friends finish the A levels soon. Eight days left to As, I feel excited/nervous/anxious for them hahahaha.

I should probably find a job soon to kill time.

2011-10-25T22:42:00.001+08:00

I am convinced that the mother is going through the menopause phase that's why she's behaving this way. Whatever, I have had enough of all this nonsense already. The next time this happens again, I am just going to keep my mouth shut. Sadly I can only turn to them for financial support, and nothing else. I guess it's really pathetic for a child to think of his/her parents in that way. I probably sound really childish, immature and senseless here bringing my parents down, but if I don't rant it out somewhere I am certain I'd lose my sanity.

I feel that this parent-daughter relationship is beyond repair. Things are definitely not going to change if the parents always think they are right, even if they are clearly wrong. But you can't correct them because by doing so you are deemed as rude, or trying to challenge their authority. In this family you got no say, because they are your parents (and they expect you to give them the duly respect) and to them you are still 'young' to understand a lot of things. You can't really speak up because your words weigh nothing and they won't listen to you, so you just have to listen to your parents and accept even if they are clearly unreasonable. In this family, the parents wouldn't admit that they are in the wrong even if they know they are not right, they won't apologize, they just keep quiet and leave you alone but you just got to accept and get used to it.

The father and I had a talk after the quarrel with the mother. He always give me these lectures every time I quarrel with her, and it's not like it's of any use. He always tries to psycho me, or at least make me feel that he is trying to psycho me into believing that I'm in the wrong and make me understand it's my fault. Usually I don't really give a shit to what he say (because I can't do anything, I can't try to voice my unhappiness because I would be 'rude' if I did that), and I would just hope he would finish his piece and leave me alone.

And even though he told me I need to speak up so that they would understand me better, I gave up after countless attempts because I learnt that it's not going to change anything anyway. Either the situation gets worse or that he would try his best to make me 'understand' his point of view. I guess it's just really hopeless. This was what happened during dinner time just now. The brother went to fill the mother's plate with food and everything, and after my dinner I took her plate to the sofa, where she was sitting. I was greeted with "YOU EAT IT YOURSELF LA!" I was like wtf, I was just being nice to bring her plate to her and I got that comment? I got pissed and immediately shouted back at her. Yes I probably shouldn't yell back at her, but I definitely do not deserve that shit from her.

Both the parents said I was at fault for yelling back at her, but seriously who is the one raising the voice first? If you get scolded for trying to be nice, wouldn't you get pissed? To me, so what if you are my mother, it doesn't give you the right to shout at me for nothing, this is clearly unreasonable. The best part is that she thinks she is in the right. So now, even how much I try to tell them she is also in the wrong, it's just no use. I am actually quite ashamed that I have such unreasonable parents.

If there is one thing I can request from my parents, I hope that there will be mutual respect between us. I don't know if mutual respect is too much to ask, but without it, I feel that it's damn hard for us to reach a compromise. I am starting to lose that bit of respect that is left for them. And I can foresee that when I grow older, my parents wouldn't mean a slightest thing to me, and I can actually vision myself giving them money to fulfill my duty as a daughter. You may think that I am unfilial, but I guess that is going to happen in near future.

2011-10-24T21:08:00.000+08:00

Probably too free nowadays that I keep thinking of very depressing stuff, desperate need to keep my mind occupied argh. Anyway I have been really really bored nowadays, all my friends are studying for the A levels, and I really have nothing to do (the last thing I want to do now is to study).

"If you are not ready to catch her, don't make her fall for you." You weren't the person I thought you would be. Disappointed.

2011-10-21T18:18:00.001+08:00

Hi I haven't been really studying since Monday, have zero mood to get down to work. Today was my first day with class 1123. Not allocated to any classes yet, but I'd just join them for the time being. The people there are an enthusiastic bunch, and I really hope to get into that class because at least I know Calvin, and Esmond and Putz Putz and Liyao. Oh and anyway I guess I am too emotional these days, probably the time of the month. :<

Going to celebrate Hong's and Nelson's birthdays tomorrow yay I can't wait to see my favourite people!! Awesome much :B

2011-10-17T18:04:00.000+08:00

Ah well hi guys. Today is probably one of the most important decision I make for my future, and I really hope it is all worth it. I have decided to repeat year two in JC. As much as I want to get out of this place as quickly as possible and graduate with all my lovely friends, I can't/shouldn't.

Today I had a talk with Mr Teo, I kind of respect him a lot although I only get to know him quite recently after he took over Mr Oliver. Well we talked about my results and his opinions about me repeating another year. He told me that my chances of getting As and Bs in 'A' levels are very slim given my current grades, and he also said I may not get into a local university. I am actually really glad Mr Teo and I had this talk today. It made me more certain about my decision on repeating another year.

Prior to this, I was quite troubled whether to repeat another year or not. And I guess I was probably deceiving myself the whole time when I tried to convince myself to take the A levels this year. I tried to talked myself into believing that my grades would be so much better than what was reflected on my Prelim result slip. But hah, it is time to snap out of it. Been crying and crying and crying for the past few days and nights, but I am really really glad I have made up my mind now.

It took me quite a lot of courage to make that decision. One thing I would feel very sad about is that my lovely friends would proceed to take the A level exams in twenty two days and be done with it in fifty days, and they would be able to enjoy their eight to nine months of holidays, while I would be still stuck in school, mugging for my A levels. The other thing that I fear is the unfamiliarity feeling I would get when the school reopens next year. I would be all alone.......sigh but I got to quit feeling that way and let the message 'it's for a better future' sink into my head. :(

Ok, I will end this entry by thanking my mom for her support, she has been really understanding and all. It makes me wanna tear even more because I feel that I have disappointed her (and my Dad) so much. She also helped me with all the appeal to repeat procedure, called up Mr Oliver for me, emailed the Principal and everything. I love you Mom, really do, and thank you! <3

2011-10-13T20:03:00.000+08:00

Hi. This is going to be a short post then I got to embark on my revision already haha. Anyway it is graduation day tomorrow :,) Although I don't luv JC life as much as my secondary school life, I would still miss my time at NY very much. Time flies. Sigh isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you really look back/reminisce, everything is different? I guess I had my fair share of bitter and sweet memories ;,) Ok I guess everyone must be mugging their asses off right now to even read this. Tomorrow I am going to bring my polaroid, so come find me to take a picture with me ok! :)

2011-10-09T18:34:00.000+08:00

So many things happened and I don't even know where/how to start writing. Anyway its 29 days left to A levels now. I feel fucking scared and unprepared. My prelim results are like shit. Thought about u-turning many times, but I have decided to just press on for the last one month.

Anyway I felt damn demoralized after I got back my Prelim results, damn sad, really. But I will not lose any more time regretting/feeling sad about all that shit. I got to pull up my socks, work a hundred times harder, and a thousand times smarter now. This is what my tuition teacher told me, "Exams- Expecting A Miracle Soon". Not that I am going to laze around and wait for a miracle to happen, but what I can do now is just put in all the effort and do my best for the remaining 29 days, then leave it to the Gods to decide the rest, no? Press on guys, I am sure we will survive this.

2011-09-27T23:14:00.001+08:00

It has been so long since I last blogged, almost three weeks hoho. Anyway, today was the last paper, and on thursday we will start get back all our prelim results. Ok my worst paper was Math. It was really a wake up call for me, could only do like 2-3 out of 11-12 questions, and that is freaking pathetic. I guess I have been neglecting Math for Econs and Geog >:(

Econs was a huge disappointment, I swear, I swear I am this close to killing myself!! Sigh it's probably because I held the highest expectation for it out of all the other subjects. I really really really studied damn hard for it, freaking hard, but the mistakes I made in the exams was just......stupid. Argh like assess the other policies that could be used to....., then I went on to write the policy that was mentioned in the first part again. It's like a freaking waste of my time, and I couldn't completed the Keynesian question as a result. Ten freaking marks gone!!!! Thinking back about it really make my blood boil. That was the most unforgivable mistake I ever made man argh and goodbye to my grade D target.

I felt that chemistry paper was most do-able. Some careless mistakes in Paper Three that also made me feel like killing myself once more, left the Planning blank in Paper Two because I didn't study for it. Paper One's organic part was quite alright. So hopefully I can get grade D or E.

Anyway I really studied damn hard for Econs, so I expect myself to do well in it. I guess the worst feeling in the world is when you know you had put in your bestttttt shot, but at the end of the day you don't excel. That really.....sucks, just si diao suan le. As for the rest of the subject, even if I don't do very well, I won't feel thattt sad although I will be damn sad. You know what I mean......v(^^,v)

Summary of what happened in the last few weeks.

1) Got stung by a damn bee in my mother's car on my right shoulder last sunday and it hurts like a bitch. Feeling more relieved now because I went to see a doctor this evening to consult about the swell,etc.

2) Downloaded Funshion on the brother's computer and in the past week I watched Tron Legacy, 500 days of Summer, A Walk To Remember, Friends With Benefit, etc.

3) Went running with Hannah today and realised how weak I am now. Jogged for 2.5 rounds around the school track and was breathless. Did four sets of 50 sit-ups because we couldn't do 2 sets of 100 sit-ups. Decided to make it a point to exercise at least once a week, otherwise I will feel damn guilty feasting everyday and not exercising at all.

4) Astons with the people last week. It was a mini gathering, then went over to Stella's house and we watched Home Alone on TV/paint nails/drink green tea/play with her nephew haha. There will be a few more gathering coming up this week. Going to meet them on tomorrow and Thursday, but would be missing the BBQ on Friday because there is tuition at night. :(

There are just too many things to say, will do it soon. Forty more days to A level, I should include a count down timer in my blog to remind myself that I have no more time to lose. Sounds like a brilliant plan. Goodnight everyone.

2011-09-10T23:26:00.000+08:00

Really tired of this sickening life. Woke up at 830AM, then headed down to OCBK to study. Not very productive because I only completed one NYJC Prelim P2 and P3. And after this post, I am going to pack my room, try and find all Mr Teo's econs material and study econs. I hope I can complete what I want to finish later before I sleep.

'Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone~' Gravity- Sara Bareilles. Sigh, this is probably the best song to describe how I am feeling right now. I always get this feeling that whenever I am feeling extremely troubled, you'd strangely/magically appear. It's like you knew I need someone to be here, it's like you knew I can't do this alone. Thank you. But despite the fact that I could use some company, I would prefer being alone. I have been pushing too many people away lately, and I am sorry for that. Will take a hiatus from this blog, goodnight!

2011-09-09T22:42:00.001+08:00

2011-09-08T00:16:00.000+08:00

On the way home from tuition just now, I don't know what the hell has gotten into me. I had this emotional break down or something. It was all dark in my Mom's car and I was lying down at the back seat, with my earpiece plugged in. Nobody's Perfect came on, along with many other not-very-high songs. I began to feel really emotional, and started thinking of the things that made me feel really....sad. Sigh, I really wish things didn't have to turn out this way.

Feeling hurt and I don't even know how to save myself. Honestly I feel that most of my mental pain are self-inflicted, but I really can't stop thinking too much. Right now there are so many things going on in my head, and it is starting to suffocate me. I feel vulnerable, insecure and mentally drained. Worst feelings in the world......

On a lighter note, I am really glad Wee and I talked in school today. She is one really really special friend that I could tell everything to, and she wouldn't judge me. I am really thankful to have her as a friend. (Wee, if you are reading this, I just want to say I love you!! :* :,) <3)

2011-09-07T01:05:00.001+08:00

2011-09-06T01:12:00.000+08:00

I hope people would accept the fact that I just like keeping things to myself. Like when I'm sad/angry/disappointed, and people ask why/what happened, I won't usually tell them about it. Sometimes I feel lazy telling them long stories, sometimes I don't have the words to describe certain feelings, sometimes its frustrates me trying to explain how I feel, sometimes I don't even understand myself/why I am feeling in a certain way sigh. But most of the time, I don't feel comfortable telling just anyone about my personal stuff. Even if I share my stories to the closer friends, I would still have my reservations. This is just me. I hope people would accept the fact that I like listening to people's life stories but don't really enjoy sharing mine.

I also hope people would accept the fact that I have this angry/dao/sian face by default. Very often, I get misunderstood by people as a result. And it gets really awkward sometimes. I have people asking me if I have offended them/angry at them but no.....they must realise I am actually a really friendly person although I am not a smiley person. Ok I think I tend to stare at (pretty) people unintentionally too, but its just me!! Sian I am damn sad now, it sucks to be me man.

2011-09-05T23:28:00.001+08:00

Today is Ron's birthday. Happy birthday Ron! Hope you like our surprise hehe. So today UDC people met up at 8am in the morning to surprise Ron. After many attempts of trying to reach him, Vivien and Angel still managed to get into his house as his house door wasn't locked. Haha probably he knew about it already and left the door unlocked. After that we had Macs breakfast together, and chatted/watched funny videos. ^^v

Received a text from Cheong Leong and he said Mr Halil was in NY and he wanted to see all of us. I got so excited I left Ron's house first to meet the rest. Cheong Leong, Yong Kee, Mandi and Kengli were there with me. Wee was at home. Nelson don't know fly where, but we end up sitting down around the round table to chat. We talked about our JC lives, and he shared his too. We talked about teachers that got pregnant, the current principal, and the school progress. Aww man, I really miss secondary school days a hell lot. :<

After that, we end up studying together after Mr Halil left. Today wasn't that productive but I guess its fine. Quite a happy day for me. Meeting the UDC friends, and meeting the old school friends. Ah and I mizz Poppins too. I haven't seen them since the start of August. Anyway Nicole flew to Xiamen this morning, and she will be there for a full five weeks. :(

OH AND THERE IS 9 MORE WEEKS TO A LEVELS. (AFTER SEPT HOLIDAY, LEFT 8 WEEKS) And today is gone. Six more days more to study before the start of Prelims. I must get my act together and start getting work done. Please Brain, please coorperate with me. Ok good night everyone.

2011-09-04T23:33:00.036+08:00

// Don't understand how you can be so good at pretending. Take off that mask and show the world who you really are. I'm in utter disgust. You are not only fucking competitive (prolly an inherent nature), you also have some other really grave issues. I see the pressing need to resolve them soon. Call sos?

2011-09-03T01:07:00.001+08:00

Hehe I feel so much better today. Hm I really wanna blog but there is nothing to blog about. Anyway went down to OC BK to study in the morning. After that walked over to orchard building to check out the newly opened H&M. The queue to get into the shop was ridiculously long. I wouldn't queue for that even if I had shit load of time to kill. Headed home straight after that. Spent four hours (and counting) stalking people on FB.

and here are some old pics of the Poppinz. I rly rly mizz sec school dayz (mega sigh) (P/S: & I realised in most of the pictures, charm is always on the left side hehe)

and I thought the boys in the last picture look really cute.....hahahaha kk goodnight everybodyy

2011-09-02T00:28:00.000+08:00

"Expecting less means hurting less."

Need to recover from this shit disease soon. I have wasted almost two third of a day of my life, lying on my bed. Semi conscious. Tomorrow I will head out to OC BK in the morning to mug mug mug mug mug. I got to make up for the time I have lost. Life sucks, no kidding.

Can you please tell me if I am wrong to wait for someone to take the initiative? Hello, I feel like I am the one always making the first move. I am exhausted. So if I were feeling angry/upset, I have to look for you to tell you about it? Why can't you talk to me first? Why do I always have to say hi first? So does it mean that if I don't talk to you, you won't talk to me too? It goes both way my dear friend. You should know how much you mean to me and I never ever ever want to lose you. xx

2011-09-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

Hi I think I caught the flu bug, fever bug, sore throat bug............feeling damn uncomfortable everywhere right now :( I think my stomach spasm illness is back, felt that acute pain in my stomach just now. Omg really can't afford to fall sick now :<

GP paper was quite screwed up. Paper Two killed me. :< Sigh what a bad way to start my prelims. Really discouraging. Anyway I got to draft out a timetable soon. There are so much things I have to do during the September holidays. Plus I have shit loads of make up tuition too. :( Ok so main focus: Geog. Wish me good luck!!

2011-08-31T23:12:00.001+08:00

2011-08-30T01:03:00.000+08:00

"The funny thing is, nobody ever know how much anyone else is hurting. We could be standing beside someone who is completely broken, and we wouldn't even know it."

2011-08-29T00:34:00.000+08:00

I guess I am going to have my Karma. Just did something quite bad for fun, yep. I think I have nothing better to do. I hope I don't stir up any problems as a result. #fingerscrossed. :<

Tomorrow shall be GP day. Feel like staying home the whole day. I don't even feel like going school on Wednesday. But there's a Flash Mob event in school, and organised by our very own Junjie. So I have to be there. Oh anyway NYJC people here can join too. This Flash Mob event is on Wed, at the atrium from 1030-1040am. Do join/watch/support us! Sounds quite fun, no? :> ok feel damn tired already. Goodnight everyone!

2011-08-28T01:05:00.000+08:00

"Because in every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can’t sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can’t keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return." -Tumblr.

My weekends was pretty slack. Haha I shall start mugging tomorrow. It is going to be a long day with two tuition classes. I have decided to join my previous GP tuition class, it starts at 11am tomorrow. Then at four thirty I have econs tuition at Kovan. Anyway my midnight snack............

Fruity pebbles (+honey stars) with my favourite strawberry milk muahaha healthy much right haha ok goodnight everybody.

2011-08-26T22:39:00.003+08:00

Hi everybody today is Stella's birthday. Nineteen birthday. Happy birthday Stella Agustin. I hope you enjoyed your birthday and I hope you won't feel discouraged anymore because everyone have faith that you can do well. Honestly. Ok read my most awesome birthday card k : >

Today was quite a happy day. School ended at 12 (although it should rightfully end at 11) because we all have to evacuate from school for the people to clean up the place for the elections tomorrow. We went to celebrate Stella's birthday over at Sherman's and we had a good show watching her got caked in the face by Junjie (double blow) haha haha. Oh and Sogurt had an awesome event, so we all went over to the branch at NEX. The yogurt was sold at half priced and I bought a fulllllll cup which costed only $3.75. #happyfood It has been so long since I had it, really really long. Finally tasted heaven haha.

I feel like going out to study tomorrow, the China relatives are coming down and they are going to be very very noisy. But I can't go back to school because of elections, and I don't want to study in fast food restaurants. Omg where else can I study? Starting next week, 10 more weeks to A levels.

2011-08-25T00:45:00.002+08:00

Round Two of cute photos :) I got all of them from Tumblr. Really sweet aww haha. I can't wait for my turn hehe. Anyway I think my 89bucks got cheated, life sucks, don't think I will get the money back either. Never mind I should start sourcing for my supply of polaroid films.

2011-08-24T01:16:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Natalie Ling. <3 Hope you had a great birthday, and all the gifts you received. (k pls refer to the birthday card, Nat!)

On one hand I am so glad I survived half the week, but on the other hand it means that I am half a week closer to Prelims and to the big 'A's. K anyway I had lunch with the mother today at Isetan, good Jap food yumz. Cravings for some froyo! Too tired right now to even rant, I am going to sleep soon. P/S: I really like the picture on my lock screen, brings back memories. #justsaying Goodnight everyone.

2011-08-23T03:28:00.000+08:00

"Think of something real hard you have had to go through in the past. Well, you survived it. You are alive, aren't you? Think about that the next time you are going through a really hard time. You'll pull through. You'll survive. You are strong. Your skin may tear and your bones may break, but your soul? Your soul can never be irreversibly damaged." Be thankful for the bad things in life as they open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before.

Privacy invaded. Pissed. Period. Goodnight.

2011-08-22T03:23:00.001+08:00

I am rather sick of my life now. My body clock is screwed. I can't sleep till two am every night and I have to force myself to wake up for school at 630 am every morning. Esmond says I look lifeless nowadays, and yes I think so too.

I am constantly feeling lethargic and this sucks because I no longer feel that gust of (positive) energy in me. Furthermore, I look really ugly now. My complexion is so disgusting and I have extremely hideous under eye circles. I was looking through last year's photos and thought I look much better then. (Mega sad face). I have been gorging myself with so much food lately that I am beginning to feel disgusted with my own body. I just don't know how to explain this feeling. I keep telling myself to set aside some time to exercise, prolly run a few rounds around the school track, hit the gym, play squash, or whatever that would help me lose those excess fats, but I have not actually done anything yet. I honestly can't remember the last time I exercised. Instead, I can recall the many incidents I find myself feasting in KFC/Macs. Not cool at all. Sigh inferiority complex kicking in.

I have this fear that one day you are going to discover that I am not as great as you once thought I was.

2011-08-21T23:54:00.001+08:00

"At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be. "

2011-08-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH TJOA <3

I LUV YOU BABE I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT ONE. LET'S STUDY HARD FOR A LEVELS. IT IS JUST A FEW MORE MONTHS LEFT BUT I KNOW WE CAN DO IT. WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN EVERYTHING!! (ok refer to the birthday card haha)

2011-08-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

Hi guys I am so glad that the week has finally ended! (Rejoice) Ok gonna be a short post tonight, because after this I got to go study Econs for the test tomorrow at nine. Anyway yay, tomorrow will be a good day cause we are going to celebrate Hannah's birthday after the econs paper, and I am going to join the Pops+2C guys for dinner to celebrate Wei Liang's and Siyuan's 18th birthdays. Finally, a breather after so freaking long!!

All these birthdays are burning a big hole in my pocket ah! Chan Weiliang's birthday was yesterday, today's siyuan's, tomorrow hannah's. Econs tuition teacher's birthday on Monday. Stella's favourite friend's birthday on Tuesday. Natalie's on Wednesday. Valerie's on Thursday and finally Stella's on Friday. Haha so freaking cool. Ok goodnight everybody, and good luck to those taking the test tomorrow :)

2011-08-18T22:29:00.000+08:00

"Happiness depends upon ourselves."-Aristotle. How true. I guess I got to learn to stop harping on unhappy stuff and learn to let go. I guess I bear grudges/resentment easily too. I will change, I will try to be a better(and happier) person.

Food and flowers makes me happy. Oh talking about food, I want to try baking macaroons one day. I was searching for macaroons recipes a few days ago, and I really want to give it a go (soon). But Prelims and A levels are round the corner, such turn offs. So I guess I will postpone it to after As then. Quite exciting eh! OK I will bake it on Xmas this year. Chirstmas Macaroons (yumz) !!!!

2011-08-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

How sweet and cute. Never had such cool experience when I was a little kid. K anyway hi it gets really boring here, and there's nothing interesting/new to blog about these days. Every day is about going school, going tuition, and going home. :( Hai 14 more days to Prelims now. I should probably stop blogging for awhile.

2011-08-16T23:58:00.001+08:00

How can a person give you so much strength yet still be your only weakness? Hi guys, the weather in the morning was so good to sleep in, but I managed to pull myself out of bed to head to school. Assembly talk by Dennis Yeo today was quite motivational, I should better wake up my idea and stop slacking. Time to put all distractions aside, and I will start by tweeting less. I need the freaking sense of urgency. I had it for a week, but lost it the week after. Tragic.

It sucks when you miss that person so much that you look through old photos, old texts messages. It brings back a smile to your face, but then the hurt comes back, and you know you shouldn't be looking back, but you can't help it because they really meant something to you. I guess the worse part about falling out of love, is wondering if you will ever open up that far again.

2011-08-15T23:59:00.003+08:00

"You don't always have to pretend to be strong, there is no need to prove all the time that everything is going well, you shouldn't be concerned about what other people are thinking. Cry if you need to, it's good to cry out all your tears (because only then you are able to smile again)"

Cry? How to? Despite how sad I am tears just can't/won't flow out anymore. I think I have cried too much, I can't cry anymore. I cried myself to sleep. I could cry just by listening to certain songs in my playlist. I could cry on my way back home thinking about sad stuff. Crying doesn't help, because even after crying a river, I still feel the same. Sad and helpless.

2011-08-14T03:09:00.000+08:00

A picture taken recently. I realized I haven't been going out and taking pictures. My blog is so wordy and boring. So it's Monday tomorrow. Week B. I really dislike Week B's timetable. Lessons ends at 4pm on Monday, and for the rest of the days, they end after five pm. I have Math tuition on both Wednesday and Friday from 730-930pm and Econs tuition on Thursday from 7pm. Probably going to be moody for the whole week, there is really nothing to look forward to >:( Waiting for something amazing to happen. K goodnight! xx

I wanted everything to stay the same but feelings fade and people change. And yes, people change, and they end up having nothing to say to each other, even if they were best friends a year before.

2011-08-13T01:30:00.000+08:00

Have you ever experienced building your dreams with someone you love, then all of a sudden, everything changes, and all the hopes and dreams come falling apart? It hurts, it's like you forgot the meaning of your life, to whom it was dedicated, but it happens, you just need to be strong, to be ready when the right one comes. Probably some people are meant to fall in luv with each other, but not meant to be together.

I guess I am not sick. I feel giddy because I think I feel giddy. I am probably just conjuring up this 'illness' as an excuse to slack, to give myself a break from completing those insane amount of work on the desk for a day. Too many things in my head unorganized. My life is in a mess. As I am writing this blog post, the song "Set Fire to the Rain" is on replay. I guess its the best song to describe my feelings currently. Trying to find my drive to mug, but constantly troubled by some other really unnecessary issues at the same time. Sigh.// 'Even now when it's already over, I can't help myself from looking for you~' K goodnight!

2011-08-12T02:04:00.000+08:00

I need a jar of M&M. A good snack to accompany you when you are mugging your ass off. A good snack that is small enough to throw up into the air and drop right into your mouth. A good snack to have when you are not entirely very happy. Nicole says 'life sucks, take drugs!' But I have no drugs so I am taking M&Ms instead. (XED>1) ok bye!

2011-08-11T23:13:00.000+08:00

Hi today was madness, had three tests today: Econs Math and Chemistry. I am feeling freaking tired right now. I woke up at 6 am today for GP remedial at 730am, and only to realize the teacher didn't come. And I think I am only going to sleep after two because after this post, I have to study Globalisation for tomorrow's geog test. Life sucks like that. I really can't wait for the weekends. I need comfort food!!!!! Probably the only best thing that can happen to me right now is indulging in food. (oh, and I really need to rant about life/people........soon)

2011-08-10T22:01:00.001+08:00

Hunger Pangs. Looking at all these good food made me salivate instantly. They all look too yummy ahh!! Damn deprived of these treats yummzz. Hehe I guess I will consider marrying a chef. That way, I will get to eat good food every single day! :>

2011-08-09T00:42:00.000+08:00

"Close your eyes and open your heart." This is easier said than done. Funny thing is that I tell people hey it's been so long, I have gotten over it/who gives a shit about love or things along that line, but deep inside me, I am not (entirely) convinced. I am secretly hoping that I, too, can deceive myself with the 'lies' I tell the rest. Oh well, ok not very funny actually...

I guess I get upset/disappointed really easily as well, as much as I don't want to, I honestly can't help it. It's just me argh. I probably got to abide by these few rules in order to stay happy: Free my heart from hatred. Free my mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less. Then again, it's easier said than done. xx

Happy birthday Mother. Today I received this text from her and felt really :< Don't really feel like elaborating it here but yeah I felt damn shit when I read her text. Anyway she left for Bangkok with the Father to celebrate her birthday last Sunday. Anyway ok dear mother, I really didn't mean/want to upset you all the time, and although we seem to quarrel/fight each time we try to communicate, I still love you the same. (Really, even if I don't show it.) I really hope you'd be healthy and happy always. <3

2011-08-08T00:31:00.000+08:00

Haha how true isn't it, parallel lines have a lot in common but they never meet, ever. Every other pair of lines meets once and then drift apart forever. How tragic. Anyway hi, today was pretty alright, despite the fact that I only had four to five hours of sleep. I slept before two last night, and woke up at six. The strange thing is that once I was awake, I was wide awake, not my usual lazy self, and I reached school before seven fifteen! I am probably developing some sleep disorder illness zz. Ok so I attempted the Math Integration Revision Package and realised I couldn't do more than half of them. Chem lecture this afternoon was also a total waste of time. Had two hours nap in the canteen after lunch, before spending three hours reading six pages of Geog. Ok quite unproductive but I guess it's something.

Tomorrow is National's Day. Tomorrow is also the Mother's birthday. Nothing much to look forward to tomorrow. I have make up tuition at Kovan in the afternoon. It's my first time going there, I hope I don't get lost. And I really wish that tomorrow's attempt to study would be successful :<

2011-08-06T23:57:00.001+08:00

"Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."

xx
Hi today was quite sian. I was quite annoyed with the mother just now. She keeps nagging at me to help my brother in his studies because his EOY exam is nearing. I honestly do not mind helping the brother but I can't sit with him forever to help him with his work right? I don't even have time for myself, and my A levels just a few months away! Furthermore, the cousin is going to sleep over tonight. Another unproductive Saturday sigh. I guess I am going to burn the midnight oil later. I must finish the Geog stuff I plan to finish today. Sad life x∞
"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met" -Tumblr.

2011-08-05T19:25:00.000+08:00

Hi everybody haha I am feeling quite happy right now. Totally in the Thank God It's Friday mood haha + especially relieving to know there are five days of holiday. Ok I had Math tuition just now, it was damn zz as usual but oh well, just have to hang in there for another few months. Anyway it's the Lunar Seven Month now, so please be careful especially if you want to go out at night!!

It's better to have nobody, than to have somebody who is half there, or doesn't want to be there.

2011-08-04T16:02:00.042+08:00

I was never this affected by this kind of thing in the past. Sometimes I find that it is so hard to laugh (or be really happy) again. I am trying to be happy, to stay positive all the time, but I have issues believing that things will turn out alright. I feel v burdened by the many unhappy+ negative thoughts/memories I have in my head. I am not sad, but I am not happy at all. It's like I don't really like talking anymore.

k lucky for me, my JC friends are a cheerful bunch, and they never fail to burst into laughter very single day. So even if I get out of bed on the wrong side every morning, I would be okay as soon as they crack a joke and laugh so hysterically at it.Very often I am amused by them more than at the joke itself. Thankful for these friends like them to make my day in school. xx

2011-08-03T22:04:00.004+08:00

Hi guys. I believe August is going to be a good month. There are six days of public+school holiday this month, six good days to force myself to mug for geog. Received an award for having the greatest improvement in Econs today. Initially I swear it was damn embarrassing when they announced it to the whole LT. But when I got back home just now, pulled out the certificate from the file and looked at it, I actually felt good. I felt that my efforts had paid off and my achievement was recognized. Moreover, it is comforting to know that as long as you put in the effort, you will see results.

Honestly judging from the amount of effort+time I dedicated to MYE, I guess I should be more than satisfied with my results. Failed all my h1(v badly) and chem, and managed to barely pass my Econs and Math. On Friday, the mother is going to meet the teacher to collect my result slip. I am slightly nervous. I really hope Mr Oliver is not going to tell my mother bad things about me (mega sad face).